Friday, August 8, 2014

hello #44 and counting

At some point we all stop and take an account of our lives, an introspective journey to discover answers.

> what is the meaning of my life?
> what am I supposed to be doing with my life?
> who am I?
> am I becoming who I want to be?

I'm spending some time looking back over my life right now. I think I'm in a rut (a grave with the ends kicked out).  I feel like I want to reinvent myself, to become the person I imagine myself to be...I think about her a lot and wonder when I will become her.

I've always thought of myself as a late bloomer, someone who hasn't met the milestones of life at the typical age of the general population. I'd rather not discuss on why I am a self-described late bloomer, but instead focus on the where-do-I-go-from-here?

I wanna do more art...give my aspirations to it fully.  I've been holding myself back, but now I'm ready to surrender to the longing of my heart and let go of that false aspiration to be something I don't want to be.  
Let's face it, there comes a point in life when you change gears and want to do something meaningful with the life you've been given.  
I've tried to conform to what I thought where the expectations of me and it has made me miserable and depressed.  I had this notion that I had to get a normal job with good pay and benefits and work until I could retire; but this mentality has had me locked up in a box, struggling to fit the mold.  
It is scary to get out of the mold aka the rut...but really, my biggest obstacle is between my own ears!  No one is stopping me from becoming an artist.  
However, can you really become what you already are?
Thus begins my introspective journey through art. 

1 comment:

Robin said...

Best Wishes on your journey Christie!! I've been on a journey of sorts myself over the last 18 months...and it's super-scary at times...but you seem to be on the right track and listening to your heart! Be FEARLESS and do something that makes your heart sing :)